SUPER BOWL FUN TIME, 2022

[We interrupt our normally life-changing Bible-based content to bring you… folly.  Forgive us.]

Ok guys, as you know, this is how Super Bowl works:

1. you have a few friends over
2. the womenfolk act like they care (for as long as they can)
3. you shield your kids’ eyes from the hyper-sexualized ads and halftime entertainment and, barring historic meltdowns
4. the game itself has lost all interest by halfway through the 3rd quarter. Hmmph.

Now of course, this year is different, for some of us at least. Some of us here in the midwest have suffered with ineptitude for, oh… about 31 years. Some of us are doing cartwheels at Magic Joe (once a rival; nevermore!) and his miracle working power (do I know people who pray when he plays? Yes, I do).

But are YOU interested in MY team? Maybe not. Maybe you’re very ho-hum about which team comes out ahead (that would not be an unreasonable position). Most of us aren’t football purists; we just enjoy the story lines and emotions around the games. So maybe the televised game itself won’t make your SBLVI gathering wonderful on its own.

But this will.

Introducing your 2022 Super Bowl party pick-me-up. Guaranteed to charm and delight your gathered friends or your money back. Here’s how my incredibly-simple-but-super-fun game works:

1. Print out the images below, which I MADE. For you. [mondo feels heart shape]. One set per guest. This may require staples. There are three pages.
2. Have your SBLVI Viewing Bash guests each bring a $5 or $10 gift card with them to the party (Seriously. Put on a show of Real Haughtiness on this point, and don’t budge: “No gift card, no bean dip” works well).
3. When (and only when) they cough up said gift cards, hand them a printout of TIME TO ROAR CINCINNATI Super Bowl Questionnaire (does the title sound partisan to you? IT IS. Deal with its egregious Ohiocentrism). Then, make sure everybody circles their picks before any of the game time festivities begin.
4. Let the good times roll. There will be shouting.
5. Give the 1st place winner MOST of the gift cards, and the 2nd place winner 1 or 2 of them.
6. Become a Super Bowl Hosting Legend.

Got it! Do it!

And now… bless you all. We now return to our regularly scheduled mature spirituality…